Guess who’s back, back again? That Wino’s back..tell whoever you feel like. 

If you don’t get that reference, then we can’t be friends. 

So, it’s been since 2019 that I posted. How’s life been? Any pandemics to speak of? No? Cool. We’ll leave that in 2020 with the murder hornets. 

If I’m going to say anything about the pandemic, when referencing it as a time of isolation and seclusion, it certainly was the start of me losing my sparkle.  

What’s a sparkle? Don’t worry…I’ll tell you. A sparkle, by my own definition, is that fiery bad ass bitch that lives inside you. It knows your worth, motivates you to live your best life, and doesn’t take any shit. That badassness is so powerful that it radiates from the inside to the point where you sparkle to those around you. See? Full circle. 

Now, is it possible for one to lose that sparkle? Yes. But, best believe that it always lives inside you. Sometimes, when self doubt kicks in, it may ghost you until you decide to find it again. And you know what? That’s completely okay. Every now and then, for a moment in time, anyone can lose themselves in their negative thoughts and anxiety – and it can mask that strong and incredible person that you truly are. With that said, don’t fret – my darlings, because that sparkle will always find its way back to the light. How’s that for a metaphor? I knew those never ending college loan payments were worth it. Anyway, let’s get back on topic before I forget what my point was…

A Sparkle. Everyone has one that makes them who they are, that makes them stand out in their own way. Even if a situation like a job that doesn’t bring out the best in you, or a world wide pandemic may have put it in the dark – it never ever means you won’t find it again. I know I did. You may say, “Well gee, I didn’t know I had a sparkle.” Don’t be silly, my friend – it’s just hiding. Good for you, and my newly awakened obnoxious optimism and love of trying to motivate people (blame it on the fitness and wellness journey) – I’m here to help you find it.

One of the many hats that I wear is a pre-school teacher, so it’s time for a lesson.

Today’s topic: How do I find my sparkle?

Have a passion? Don’t be afraid to go for it – no matter how many people doubt you. Those said doubters are just haters anyway. And, you know what they say…”haters gonna hate.” Let that fire turn into motivation until your passion becomes your reality.

Afraid to be yourself? I get that. Self doubt and everything that comes with it is consuming. I’ve been there. Although, it isn’t until you become so unapologetically who you are that you can truly start living. It’s also extremely liberating, believe me. Think about how much time we waste worrying about what other people think, and how their opinions of us effect how we act and react. I’ll tell you one thing – that’s no way to sparkle.

Want to better yourself? Don’t rely on anyone else to do it for you. It’s not their job – and no one has the energy for that. Often times we expect the people closest to us to be the ones to fix us when our sparkle fades. I’m not saying that those people won’t be there to pick us up when we fall or need support, but sometimes doing that is hard enough. Fixing yourself? That, my friend, is up to you. If you’ve lost your way, and want to take the steps to change that – then take it one day at a time into the right direction. Start a healthy habit and make it your goal to follow through. Hold yourself accountable. Love yourself first. It’s so completely worth it.

Me? I’m going to hold myself accountable by getting back to one of my passions – which is writing. See? I’m doing it right now.

Alright, that’s enough pre-school for one day.

I’ll leave you with this final thought: Life is a crazy beautiful ride that most of the time never makes sense. To that I say, embrace the glorious mess that it is – and make it your goal to kill it every single day. Keep calm, and sparkle on.

Look at me go, putting my thoughts into action. It’s been a while – an eternity really. I mean, it’s safe to say that this Wino is a completely different girl than the one you’ve known before. I’m older…and wiser? That one is most certainly up for debate. While you guys were busy living your lives, without a Wino in sight – I was busy turning 30…2, and basically taking life by the horns.

Taking life by the horns, now that’s an interesting phrase. Honestly, it just came to mind – so I went with it. But, I decided to look it up – because why the hell not? Stay with me – you’re about to go on an adventure through my creative thought process. This could get messy.

While on Google, making sure that I actually got the saying correct, I found this quote – “Take life by the horns, conquer your fears, and live your life as a daring adventure.” And to that I say, YAAASSSS girl. Because, you see…that is the head space that I am currently in, but it took a damn long time to get here. Let’s dig a little deeper, and pull this quote apart piece by piece. Guys, this is where my college education comes into play, so let me live. I paid for it, okay?

According to UrbanDictionary.com, an extremely creditable source if you ask me – taking (or grabbing) life by the horns means to be a mover and a shaker. Man, don’t I hear that. If you’re not a mover, and/or a shaker are you even living? I think not. I’ve been doing my share of moving and shaking lately, and I say both literally and figuratively. About a few months ago, I did some moving – out of my parents house…and in my career. I also did some shaking…at my friend’s wedding. #DanceMachineQueen. Positive and healthy steps for sure, but I’d like to explore the figurative end of this a little more.

Let’s look at moving as moving forward. Something that is certainly easier said than done. Have you missed my clique style of writing? I know I have. Anyway, for me – moving forward in life was nearly impossible for a while. I could easily blame it on other people. In fact, I totally did. But, that was part of the problem – not taking responsibility for being in my own way. Happiness and self acceptance takes work, especially when anxiety decides to make an appearance. And, if you let those negative thoughts take over – they have to power to literally cripple you in your tracks. For a long time, they did for me – until I decided to move. Some may say that I leaped, but I had to. To get out of your own way, you need to move in whichever direction you have to to find the beautiful things in life that make you shine the way you’re meant to. Trust me, it’s a liberating feeling. You should try it some time.

Alright, it’s time to shake things up. And by that, I mean in life. Shake, and do it in whichever way you can. Shake it up, shake it off (I see you, Taylor.) – get creative about it. Shaking life up can be an altering experience – mostly because you’ll find that you can surprise even yourself. Trying new things is scary, but what isn’t? Going out of your comfort zone may not be easy, but do you want to be in a constant state of FOMO for the rest of your existence? Nope. Imagine if while you’re stuck in your bubble fearing the thought of missing out that you actually do. Shake it off, and get moving. There’s so much fun to be had on the other side.

Now that we’ve conquered one fear, let’s try and tackle the rest. One of the greatest American Philosophers of our generation, Britney Jean Spears, once said – “I go through life like a karate kid.” A statement that I have since learned to live by. If you are about to try something new, and fear starts to take over – karate chop that shit right in the face. That may not be the classiest and/or the most mature way to put it, but I don’t see any adults here.

Well, I think I pretty much nailed that piece of the quote. So, let’s move on…

If you know me, then you know that adventures are my favorite. Those adventures involve drinking wine, finding the right people (or person) to drink wine with, and maybe even going to a paint class where you can also drink wine. Just kidding, sometimes I like to go on hikes too. I also went to a Yankee game recently and sat in the rain for like two hours, and didn’t complain once. How adventurous am I? As for living life as a daring adventure, that – my friends, takes some soul searching. When it comes down to it, I think it all ties into fear – and how we choose to let it define us. In the past year, I’ve learned that if you want something in life, and for yourself – it is up to you to go get it. You may be lucky enough to get some help and support along the way, but it is up to you to follow through and make it happen – no one else can do that for you.

Adulthood is a funny thing. It may even be safe to say that we are all glorified kids just trying to fake our way through each day one beautiful mistake at a time. We go through the motions because that is what is expected of us, but that doesn’t mean we always know what we’re doing. And you know what? That’s more than okay. If you find the strength to truly believe in yourself, and how badass you really are – you’re going to be just fine.

Now that we’ve moved, and also did some shaking – I think we’ve earned the right to sit down for a minute. While making moves in the right direction is extremely beneficial, let’s not forget that taking time to reflect, and live in the moment is just as important for your mental health, and overall well-being. Yesterday, I sat outside and watched the sunset – like all the way through… with no social media besides some good tunes to set the scene, and wine – obviously. Call me cheesy (It wouldn’t be the first time.), but that ish was magical. I mean it. Nowadays, our attention spans are the size of a pea, maybe even a grain of sand. Blame it on the iPhone, the social media scroll, or the need to capture and post every single thing that we do in life. Whatever it may be, being present isn’t as easy as it used to be – and that is a fact. With that said, I encourage anyone who reads this (Thank you) to take some time for yourself today – and go be present with the world in its truest form. You won’t regret it.

Well, I think that’s it for me. I sincerely hope that inspiration continues to run through me, and I post again sometime in the next year…because this was fun.